Sardar jokes

Sardar jokes are common these days.Here are a collection of few ones....
may be seen on other sites also!!!




Santa Singh was traveling by train without a ticket. When he saw the
T.C (Banta singh) coming he thought of an excuse which he had heard
from other people, that is, ministers can travel free. So when Banta
came and asked Santa for his ticket, he said ‘Oye! asi minister’ (I'm a
minister). Banta asked him ‘Oye! tusi kade Minister’ (which minister).
Santa couldn’t think of any minister except Mrs. Indira Gandhi, so he
said ‘Oy! asi Indira Gandhi’. Immediately Banta caught Santa's feet for
blessing and said ‘Oye! asi bauth sunya, Oye! asi bauth padya, aaj dhek
leya’(I heard a lot about you, I read a lot about you and my luck, I
saw you today).


One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa
crying.Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my
finger.After hearing this Banta also starts crying.Santa: Banta, why are you crying?Banta: I'm here for urine test!


One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the
other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops.
However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person
goes into the room.Detective: Who killed Jesus?Polish: The Catholics.Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the
job.The American goes next.Detective: Who killed Jesus?American: The Jews.Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the
job.Banta is next.Detective: Who killed Jesus?Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.


Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was
singing a song.After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and
started singing again.Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is the matter with you? Why are you
hanging upside down?Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.


Santa, Banta, and one of their friends, Munnabhai, were stranded on an
uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the
next island, which was inhabited. Munnabhai was so determined to get
home that he tried to swim. He swam upto 50 miles, got tired, and
drowned. Then Banta tried. He swam upto 75 miles, but got tired and
drowned, too. Santa thought he could make it all the way, so he started
swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all
the way back to the island.


Santasigh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of
his non-sardar friends came home.Friend: Santasighji How is your MBA preparation?SantaSingh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.Friend: Logic is very easy.Santasigh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?Santa: YES.Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.Santa: YES.Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.Santa: YES.Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.Santa: YES.Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.Santa: YES.Friend: so, logically, your are married.Santa: YES.Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.Santasigh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Bantasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.Santa: How is your MBA preparation?Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.Santa: Oh, logic is easy.Banta: Please, give me an example.Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?Banta: NO, I don't.Santa: Saala HOMO!!!



One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply
saying that in our family we marry only our relatives my mom married my
dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on.
so please excuse me !!!!!



Once Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came
to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his
application form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it
to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again Santa thought for a long
time before coming up with an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.




Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an
illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him
for weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He
thought and thought and thought and this sardarji being a little
intelligent fellow finally he got an idea that he can go with that
letter to his friend and ask his friend to read that letter for him. So
he made all the plans to reach his friend. Finally he reached his
friend's house on one fine morning and he explains all the story, but
still he does not want his friend to know what that letter contains(the
letter being very personal and meant for only to the sardarji), so
again he thought and thought and thought for one week and finally he
got an idea.......So this was the situation what our GREAT FRIEND
SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he is going to do with his
final idea....?????(Ans): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to
read the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is
reading.......



Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will
Rajdhani Express go from here?"Man Replies 12.30."When will Deccan Queen go from here?"Man Replies 11.30."When will Punjab Express go from here?"Man Replies 10.30.Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains.Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by
train or not.Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"



Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on station
that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him on the
train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was
a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more service.
So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is beard!When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he
saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He replied, "The
cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone
else!!!"



Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"Yes of course, said the doctor, why not!"Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied
Banta with joy.



The sardarni asked his lover, Santa Singh, "Santa darling, if we get
engaged will you give me a ring?". "Sure", said Santa, "what’s your
phone number?"


Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train. Sardar was
trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress, but he was
unable to open it. Pathan came and opened the suitcase and said "
Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box, but he could
not open it. Pathan came, opened the box and said "Pathan Sher ka
bachcha hai" and went off .After some time sardar was trying to open the door of the toilet but he
could not. Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and said "
Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"This time sardar became angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata,
teri ma jungle gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?" and went off




Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in the
sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his
forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my
arm."A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his
ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand." Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to
do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to
toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his
butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"
"I'm getting a fax," he explains.



Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over
phone.Sardar had taken the receiver.Santa Singh : Who is speaking?Sardar : Servant Sir.Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.Sardar : What can I do now sir?Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them,
come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming
poolSardar : There is no swimming pool in our house SirSanta Singh : What...? No swimming pool?Sardar : Yes SirSanta Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!



A sardar can be so stupid that: -He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mindHe gets stabbed in a shoot outHe sends a fax with a stamp on itHe tries to drown a fish He tries to push a bird of a cliffHe thinks socialism means partyingHe trips over a cordless phoneHe takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleepsHe puts Sagittarius in the box for 'sign here' on the application formHe studies for a blood test and failsHe sells the car for gas moneyHe misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twiceHe drives to the airport and sees a sign that said 'Airport Left' turns
around and goes homeHe gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floorHe calls you to get your phone numberHe spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
concentrateHe tells you to meet at the corner of 'Walk' and “Don’t Walk”He tries to put M&M’s in alphabetical orderHe sits on the TV and watches the couchHe thinks that a quarterback was a refundHe gets locked in a grocery store and starves to deathHe would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughtsThey had to burn down the school to get him out of third gradeHe puts 'Hooked on Phonics' under education on the application formHe takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutesHe would be speechless if he spoke his mindHe thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centreHe thinks that Meow Mix was a record for catsHe ask for a price check at the dollar storeHe thinks you need a token to get on Soul trainHe went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not
admitted)He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the homeHe thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday.





A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of
the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left
his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning,he went
to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an
hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called
out, "Hey, Balbir!" He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the the person.
Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back
to the end of the line and wait all over again. After he had purchased
his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke.The line at the
concession stand was also very long, but since the game hadn't started
he decided to wait.Just as he got to the window, a voice called out
"Hey, Balbir!"Again He got out of line as he wandered looking for that person.But no
luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke. Finally,
he had his coke and took his seat, eager for the game to begin.As he
waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balbir!"
once moreHe stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Balbir!"




Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says,
"I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other
day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't
mine."His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't
mine."Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both
his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The
other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."




Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath
to cure my cold."Banta Singh: "Does it work?"Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot
bath." There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to
start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built
the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story
was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up. WHY? Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage.
They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the
garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but
no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week
but no car came to their garage. WHY? B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to
look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their
taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They
drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their
taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no
one hailed their taxi. WHY ? B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to
push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and
start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi
just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt
budge. WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.




Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they
see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend
says to santa:"I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."Santa answers: "I do not believe that." They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine after
the film. It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they
drink together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw
the film for the second time."Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not
think that this fool rides into the cactus again."




Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we
had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the same
every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep
with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to
cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up
and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for
the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar,
bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)". After some
time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he
goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."





One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a highway
and enjoying his drive.Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped into
the car and shouted at the Bihari - "Kabhi honda chalaya kya?" and sped
off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time
the Surd came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction, peeped
into the car and shouted again "kabhi honda chalaya kya?" and sped off
, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the surd was teasing about
his driving.After some time again the Surd came back speeding and said the same
thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but
the Surd goes off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but
suddenly stopped as he found the Surd lying on the road, bleeding. He
got down and mocked at the Surd "Kyon Surd , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?"
The Surd said "Wohi to puch raha tha, Mein Brakes ko dhoond rahatha."




A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises him
to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research in
zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table and
asks it to jump. It jumps.Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he asks
it to jump. Again frog jumps.Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks
the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks it
to jump. The frog jumps.Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask
the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his thesis
"If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."





A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country
and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each
other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid", he
said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered the neighbouring
minister, "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are
also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you."Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and
find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his
way.The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. There
is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to call
and check!"




A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to tell his wife while
leaving for the office: “Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa.”One day his wife fed up of this, answered: “Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke
Baap.”That ended the husband's jokes.



Banta started to explain his Adventure. He had gone to a remote village
on some work and due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish
the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He
couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the
owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for
the night. The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow you
to stay."He went towards the next house and without taking any risks,asked, "Do
you have grown up daughters?"The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."




SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone."Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven
eleven.""Are you sure it isn't one one one one?""No, this is eleven eleven.""Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the
night.""That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."




A sardarji with a big bandage in his left hand told his friend (not a
sardar) that his hand was caught in the machine in the factory."oh!" exclaimed the friend and said "If it had happened to the right
hand you would have suffered triple than this""I am not a fool" said the sardar. "First the position was that only my
right was about to get caught...I instantly pulled it out and gave my
left hand inside"




A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust
and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he
decides to ask Bhagwan for help.He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan,
please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.The Sardarji goes back to the temple................"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house
and I'm going to lose my car as well" "Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!Back to the temple.................."My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house,
my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you
for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you
just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in
order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and
the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"




A sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to
wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes
running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"To this sardarji replies, "oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,
Wash Basin"